Rebuilding Yourself After 11 Years

Rebuilding yourself after it’s over is hard.
11 years…
Not legally married, but assuming all the responsibilities of a wife.

People don’t understand what it’s like.
They try and offer comfort,
How do you comfort someone who just had her whole life scrambled into pieces? 

How do you rebuilt an identity when the biggest part of you
no longer is with you?

I know a lot about having to rebuild youself.
Waking the day after the storm,
Still dialing his number, that you so gracefully memorised ages ago.

How do you eat the same breakfast that you made him every morning for the past five years?
How do you sleep in a bed knowing his body is no longer there to press your cold feet against his warm surface.
How do you have movie nights after work, and beg him to pop the popcorn while you open the bottle of wine?
How do you stare at your reflexion the same mirror you brushed your teeth alongside him?

Short answer?

You skip breakfast every morning.
You sleep with socks on and cuddled up to a pillow.
You no longer like popcorn, and the wine bottle is replaced with hot chocolate with six marshmallows and low-fat whipped cream.
You move to a new apartment. Smaller, but more you.
Avoiding the thoughts of him completely
Until one day, the thought of him no longer matters.
Because one day,
On a sunday morning, you will wake up at the crack of dawn
See the way the sunrays illuminate your kitchen
And you will wonder if your tiny apartment has always been this beautiful.
And only then, after all these years, you will realize
It was you.
It was never about him, or them.
My love, the story was always about you.

Be That Woman…

Be the woman who can be alone.

 

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The kind that is so comfortable with her lonely,  it takes a great man to question whether or not she should leave that behind.

Hold on to your friends.
Be dependent and independent all at once.
Figure out what makes your heart race, and my love, go for it.
Chase it with all you have, because those are the moments we live for.

Learn to stand on your own. Like a child learning to walk.
Fall.
Get up
Fall again
Just so you can learn to get back up.

 

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My darling
Never be afraid of falling.
Whether it is in love or in life,
Be brave…
Only the brave inspire the world.
Mark history.

Don’t let men treat you like toys,
Or a question,
Or THE answer.

 

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Don’t let yourself be defined by a man,
Hell
By anyone actually.

Don’t be afraid to get hurt.
Turn your pain into art,
Or lessons,
Or both.

Or nothing.
Do nothing.
Do all of these, or do nothing.
That too
Is ok.

 

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Whatever it is you do decide to do,
Make sure you did it to make yourself happy at some point.
People forget that sometimes.
To be happy.
Never forget that.

Be happy love…
As much and as often as you can.
Always
Be
Happy.

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