Dear 25 Years Old Me..

Traditionally speaking I was supposed to write this letter latest yesterday.. but preferably the day before D-day. I’m sorry I was late. Somehow my heart and my brain feels conflicted. I understand why too, I mean in one year I went from having nothing to having it all and some part of me simply can’t adjust to that.

23 years old me went through a lot. She started the year at the very bottom.

Let’s reflect on this shall we:
The day after I turned 23 I got operated. I handed complete control to a team of strangers that were going to fix me. The surgery was sucessfull.. or so a thought. Due to health issues a couple of weeks laters.. I missed my exam, this meant that I was forced into the X-klass. My finatial situation was bad. Really.. really bad. My friend circle was bad. Really… really bad. And i was in the middle of freeing myself from Ebola, the man I thought I was going to be with for the rest of my life, but turns out was the serpent venom I needed an antidote from. His story… his story is one that I need to address to on it’s own post, but for now just know.. it was hard. Still to this day.. everything with him is hard.

Things started to turn around when I applied for my first credit card. 50k right there to help me out in times of needs and all of a sudden, money became less of a burden for me to carry.
But my habits where still bad. I was buying food outside all the time and all the drinking and parying didnt make things easier. I needed to clean my habbits. This happened when I walked away from one of my closest friend. lets call her Bloom. Bloom was a really good friend, and to this day I am so greateful to her, because without her I wouldn’t of made it through all the things that has happened.. but she can also be a little toxic and I was already suffering because of Ebola.

Cleaning up my habits and changing my ways of focus was the best thing I could of done. I started cooking more. I started working out more and before I knew I did the best thing I could of ever done for my heart.. I booked a solo-trip to Tallinn Estonia.

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Tallinn was amazing. You truly don’t know what you are capable of doing before you take a solo trip somewhere. Tallinn put things into perspective for me. It cleared all the mess in my head and to be honest… it gave me confidence. Confidence to be alone. Confidence to conquere my fears. I have realised that I am a very fearful person. Somehow I always assume something is going to go wrong. True bravery is knowing that the possibility of something going wrong could happen and still doing it anyways. I had a million worries there. Specially since I didn’t speak the language.. couldn’t understand my surroundings and despite all of that I still went out and I walked. I walked for a hundred years. I explored. I nurtured my curriosity and my heart. The girl that came back home to Norway wasn’t the same the one that left. I became someone else. Travelling does that to you sometimes.

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From that point on my life had good moments and bad moments, but things where for once – not all bad. which brings me to today. The now. The present.

Dear 25 years old me, you already learned how brave you are. You know your strength and you certainly bleed your weakness out. It’s time for you to sharpen your skills.

Bilderesultat for square bullet point  TAKE SIX SOLO TRIPS
Princess.. nurture your soul. There is so much of the world to see. So many people to meet, be open minded. Go and get your heart broken somewhere you don’t know. Go fall and scrap your knees, then get up and do the walk. Do this at least every two month. My love.. you are young. Go live a little.

Bilderesultat for square bullet point STUDY YOUR HEART OUT
Your dream is to become an expert in drugs. You want to be able to look at a drug and know exactly whats wrong with the person. Hell, you want to be so good at it that you are able to tell that the doc made a mistake. You my love are smart. Get studying. Study as if all this information is your oxygen. Don’t study to pass the test. Study because you will be the only thing in between life and death for a patient someday. Study because you can make a difference.

Bilderesultat for square bullet point BE MORE CLEAN AND ORGANIZED
Shave. Not because someone will touch you but because you touch yourself and you like it better this was. Take time to groom yourself. Do your nails.. do your lashes. You are beautiful, treat yourself as such. Get that perfum you love and wear it. Wear it so much that whenever people smell it they automatically will remember your presense.

Bilderesultat for square bullet point LEARN TO SAVE
For the really bad times. Save your money. For the times someone will need your help. Save some money. For that two story house with that small garden you’ve always wanted save. And if not for all of that, save because you want to go to that five star ressort.

Bilderesultat for square bullet point BE COSER TO GOD
Rebuild your relationship with God. Let him be the only man you need. The only love you crave. Let him take the wheel and guide you through life. God is good and mercyfull. Let him shower you with all his glory for you are a gods child.

 

There you go, dear 25 years old me. Let’s make all of this happen because it’s time to live a little more.. each day.

With love
BabyTia

 

AN OPEN LETTER TO MY BESTFRIEND

Hi,

How is life? I truly hope you passed your exams.

Me? I am doing alright. I have decided a lot of things.

I have decided that maybe I will not make it. Maybe I wasn’t strong enough to protect my dreams on my own. That’s okai. I have decided that maybe I do work too much. I don’t know why.. perhaps it is because I need the constant exhaustion to numb my heart a little. That’s also alright. I have decided that I am truly a too nice of a person. I let people walk all over my feelings all the time. It has become such a constant action that when people don’t walk all over me I find any reason to walk away anyways. That too is okai.

I have decided that yes, walking away from people is my hobby. And that’s okai too. I have decided that maybe friendship and companionship perhaps is not for everyone. Maybe when my soul got broken ages ago, my whole being just decided that perhaps it was for the better. Perhaps me being whole was too much for the universe to handle. I mean imagine – when I am just so little and I feel so much maybe it’s just okai that I am not more. I don’t think I could possibly handle to feel more.. and that is okai.

I have decided that I am sorry. I am sorry that you got to know my story and still couldn’t understand what was left of me. It is not your fault. It is mine. I should of known better. when people are in the supermarket, shopping for fruits they choose the most beautiful apple. A whole and bright one. Not a rotten, half eaten one. I’m sorry I couldn’t disguise myself to be more appealing to you or to anyone. Sometimes, that’s okai too.

I have decided that all of this is okai. I have finally understood that maybe I am just meant to live through life alone, and away from people. Thank you for teaching me that it is not the people around me the problem.. that it was me all along. That my inability to tolerate pain forces me to stay the way I am. Funny how all this time we were blaming all these people who did all this awful things to me and how we praised me for not being broken.

I have decided that perhaps I am broken. Just not the traditional way. Maybe I am a whole new genre of broken. Maybe I am part of this new era of broken hearts. The evolution. Undetected from the outside, but so so fragile on the inside.

I have decided that that too is okai.

I’m sorry that this is not what we both had hoped for, but I am sure you can understand that I need to take care of the last remaining piece of my heart. I, my friend, am not okai. I have decided that one day I will be okai, but today is not that day.

So please, shine as the brightest start in the sky as you already do.
I have decided to watch you from afar. It’s the safest for everyone.
and that too is okai.

 

With all my love,

Baby Tia 💋

A letter to 23 years old me

What is the correct way to start the very first blogpost I wonder. A simple ‘Hey’ or ‘Hello’ seems wrong somehow.

Today is my last day as a 21 years old. Tomorrow will mark my 22nd year on this planet, and I can not find that anymore depressing. Had I had a daughter, I would have had no idea how to describe to her the past 22 years.

Like most people, I have done nothing to enrich my life. For the past 22 years I have done nothing other than to meet society’s expectations and read books for pleasure. I mean how sad is that? If I were to die tomorrow, I’d die with regrets. I have not lived to the potential I believe I have.

So here is a letter to the 23 years old me.

Dear Stubborn Wiser Me,

Have you been well? By now you should be well on your way to be done with your first semester as a pharmacy student, did you like it?  Is this finally it?

2017 was supposed to be your year, so you better have taken advantage of it. Being selfish is  sometimes okey. Remember that you can not save everybody. In fact, you can not save anyone if you are on a sinking ship. Being happy, is all that matters in life. Do more of the things that makes you happy, and if somethings is no longer making you happy, it’s okey to quit.

I know your anxiety is bad, but don’t let it stop you from doing the things you love. You are smart, and talented. Use this to your advantage. Live in the moment, not in the future. Also.. you know that bad habit you have of thinking something will go wrong before it happens? Yeah, well stop that. You have a year. By then you better not do that anymore. Be more flexible and learn to say ‘what ever will be will be’.

Surround yourself with positive loving people that makes you laugh. Friends and family are the best. Memories with them are the things that matters in life. So get less annoyed and laugh a little more. Why so serious? Life is only one and you’ll never make it out alive. Let life inspire you.

Lastly, 2017 is all about love. Love for yourself and for what’s around you. Turn that negative voice into something positive. Starting from now, you have no excuses. Just opportunities.

With love,

21 years old you.