Rebuilding Yourself After 11 Years

Rebuilding yourself after it’s over is hard.
11 years…
Not legally married, but assuming all the responsibilities of a wife.

People don’t understand what it’s like.
They try and offer comfort,
How do you comfort someone who just had her whole life scrambled into pieces? 

How do you rebuilt an identity when the biggest part of you
no longer is with you?

I know a lot about having to rebuild youself.
Waking the day after the storm,
Still dialing his number, that you so gracefully memorised ages ago.

How do you eat the same breakfast that you made him every morning for the past five years?
How do you sleep in a bed knowing his body is no longer there to press your cold feet against his warm surface.
How do you have movie nights after work, and beg him to pop the popcorn while you open the bottle of wine?
How do you stare at your reflexion the same mirror you brushed your teeth alongside him?

Short answer?

You skip breakfast every morning.
You sleep with socks on and cuddled up to a pillow.
You no longer like popcorn, and the wine bottle is replaced with hot chocolate with six marshmallows and low-fat whipped cream.
You move to a new apartment. Smaller, but more you.
Avoiding the thoughts of him completely
Until one day, the thought of him no longer matters.
Because one day,
On a sunday morning, you will wake up at the crack of dawn
See the way the sunrays illuminate your kitchen
And you will wonder if your tiny apartment has always been this beautiful.
And only then, after all these years, you will realize
It was you.
It was never about him, or them.
My love, the story was always about you.

A Much Needed Traveling Break

I am sick again. A fever.
Always between 39-40C°

person holding coffee filled mug
Photo by Lisa Fotios on Pexels.com

The not-so-glamerous behind the scene of a serial traveller.

white ceramic cup
Photo by Saif Selim on Pexels.com

Seeing the world for what it is is amazing and all, but health comes first.

bottle close up colors container
Photo by Tranmautritam on Pexels.com

Silver linning:
I get to catch up on writing,
Catch up on school work,
Catch up on health detox,
And most importantly recharge.
Recharge for my next adventure.

adult backpack blur business
Photo by Fabrizio Verrecchia on Pexels.com

I’ll be back.
Have fun. Stay Curious.
– Tia ✨

The Great Comeback!

Or so I hope…

Hi friends, after what seems the longest period of amnesia, I am officially back.

Hopefully this time I’ll stick around.

None the less I have plenty of new adventures and drama to share.

This past year my life has been spiralling out of control. I have discovered new friends, new interests and new hobbies. I have been working my ass off as a part timer, studying my brains fried, and now I am trying to add love into this whole mess.

One busy lady I’ve become. I swear I hardly recognise myself anymore.

Have fun reading my mischievous adventures,

Love BabyTia 💋

Sensuality

Sensuality. What does it mean to be sensual?

sensuality
sɛnʃʊˈalɪti/
noun
  1. the enjoyment, expression, or pursuit of physical, especially sexual, pleasure.
    “he ate the grapes with surprising sensuality”
    synonyms: sexiness, sexual attractiveness, voluptuousness, sultriness, seductiveness, passion;More
    • the condition of being pleasing or fulfilling to the senses.
      “life can dazzle with its sensuality, its colour”

     

 

Today I had a thought.

While observing all kinds of people coming in and out of my shop, I toyed with the idea of what makes a  person ‘sensual’.

My mind quickly came up with an image of a woman  with long hair, slightly curly – black. With light skin and rosy cheeks. A slim figure, and dressed crossing the line of innocence and sultriness.

At some point this woman walks in.

She was short.  Tan skin and lovely blue eyes. Not a drop of make up on her face, she was natural and walked with such grace you had to take a moment and stare. I remember her particular way of looking around with such childlike curiousity. It made me reconsider my original opinion.

This woman was every bit sensual, yet looked nothing like my fantasy.

This woman looked everything like my fantasy.

Sometimes, we picture something, but in reality – it’s much greater.

This woman was secure. Comfortable in her own skin.
It’s seems like her she walked into my shop not caring what anybody thought of her.

What is sensuality?

I can’t tell you for sure, but I will tell you that this woman is on to something.

 

Contradictory..

Isn’t it funny how we people can’t seem to make a decision and stick to it? Or maybe that’s just me?

I have found myself successfully single – trust me, getting here has been a struggle.
Now that I am single, I am so happy with it.
I am going to be honest.. the first week was terrible.
Sadly, in order to not call him, I had to block him. E.V.E.R.Y.W.H.E.R.E.
Childish I know, but we all have to do what we have to do to keep our mind and heart sane. The thing is, despite what people tell you, there is no right-wrong way to deal with this. At the end of the day, a breakup is still a breakup.

But then, there is this other part of my heart that is begging me to reconsider. Wondering what would have happened if I had stayed a little longer. Been a little strong.
STOP IT HEART.
Don’t be weak. If you were strong enough to love someone that didn’t deserve it, you are strong enough to walk away. But of course, it refuses to listen to me.

So this begs the questions:

When do you know when it’s over?
Well, Sissy, the truth is, you already know. You always know. You just have to start being honest with yourself.

How do you move forward?
Like poison leaving your body, give it time.

What if I’m making a mistake?
Then you’ll have the rest of your life to rectify it.

Will I be okay?
Oh my Sissy, you always will be.

Complications..

We humans are so complicated.

We know the things that are good for us.. yet we somehow manage to chose what is not.

Why is this I wonder? Were we born with this irresistible need to do wrong, or is it because in the end, we never grow and always think like child do ” I want what I want, not because it’s good for me, but because I want it.

Happy New Years!

Wine and Ex-boyfriends

There isn’t much charm to life if you think about it. So many people claim to have different meanings, but the way I see it, there is only one meaning to life: You get born, you live  how you chose to live and then you die.

Now what gives meaning to your life is what you choose to fill it with.

Last night, I got drunk. I drank A LOT of wine and fell in love with some characters in a gay movie. I trashed talked my ex, and my friend trash talked her ex. Come to think of it I find it amazing that we did all of this all the while fantasising about a better life with our crushes (and maybe those gay guys from the movie).

This are the little moments you think you don’t need, but somehow, this are the little moments you desperately are going to remember when you have more years behind you, than you have in front.

I don’t know where I am going at with this all I want to say is that, for any 22 years old out there that spend all their time working, or studying and that think they don’t need any girly night filled with alcohol and guy talk, trust me. You do. So get yourself a group of girlies and order some pizza and drink your heart out.

Wise Words From a 22 Year Old.

and in case you were wondering about the fantastic gay movie…

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you’re welcome.